One of the coolest things as a webmaster and blog owner is the feedback you get from you the loyal readers, and I do strive to reply to each one personally and I pretty much do. But yesterday my mail doubled and it’s not for the reasons you would think, being that I pride myself in being one of the most abused people on the internet with my views on things, my posts normally get me in a lot of trouble with some readers. But today appears to be different… when I opened my inbox this morning and found no abuse at all I was pleasantly surprised.

Okay so what’s all this fuss about? Now you would have thought that it would be over my post “A fear of flying? They started it!”… what with the recent events in the news and the poor people that went missing recently you would have thought the internet wingers would have spat a sprat. But before you start throwing your dummies out the pram it was solely directed to Airline companies and nothing else, but strangely I never got a single Email over that and I was expecting an instant garrotting.

“Who’s the hot tattooed dark haired slut?” as Kharkiv put it, “Oh wow! Who’s the bitch with the tats?” as said by Derrick Person of London, plus about thirty other Emails from testosterone fuelled, hard up and desperate mechanics from everywhere ranging from here in the UK to Istanbul. My personal favourite was from here in the UK from some guy known only as “G” saying…

“I am from Zimbabwe but I have moved to the England because life is good here. I hate your website as I found all of the references and it’s content questionable and extremely offensive, however I am enquiring about the young lady in your post with the tribal images, does she have a boyfriend or partner… if not can you see it possible to forward my details to her as I am looking for a good looking woman and a partner of good virtue that can be my new wife… many thank you good friend… G”

Now is it me or is this a cry to have some fingers rammed up one’s nostrils violently, the thing is I know a lot of people hate this site but what “G” doesn’t realize is that he’s read every single post BECAUSE he was offended by me.

The good news Mr “G” is that she don’t mind a bit of interracial, in fact she’s pretty damn good at it and trust me… I have about 5 gigs of evidence in a tactfully named folder on my desktop. The bad news is my rude and arrogant friend is that she is a porn star with the “virtue” of a Bosnian prostitute, so I take great pride in destroying your dreams of securing your meal ticket to your “good life here” by telling you with the greatest sympathy that she don’t fucking live here either… she’s American! So I’m afraid it’s back to standing in the corner of jumping Jacks and getting slapped by offended ladies for you my “good friend”

So who is she? Her name is Julia Bond and before you google her do bear in mind the only thing she models are fifteen inch cocks across her forehead, so if your at work I highly recommend you wait until you get home and when your wife is in bed with her teeth in a glass. Here’s a few details about her for those that enjoy pointless facts and bollocks…

Julia is Originally from Long Beach, California, where Bond entered the adult film industry. She has been nicknamed the "Box Cover Queen" in the industry for having appeared on numerous DVD covers during the summer of 2005. In July 2005, Bond attended a gala thrown by the Free Speech Coalition where she revealed that she wanted to have sex with Ron Jeremy. On the May 18, 2005 episode of Jay Walking on The Tonight Show, Bond was interviewed by Jay Leno and asked whether or not she had ever posed nude; as her response Bond displayed an adult magazine for which she had been the centrefold. In 2005 she collaborated with DJ Bijal to release a pornography-enhanced mix tape dubbed Sex Sells. She appeared on The Jerry Springer Show on July 26, 2006, and revealed to her mother that she made "45 to 50" smut movies in one year. In February 2007 through her personal website and MySpace page, Julia Bond recruited fans to appear on the The Jerry Springer Show, where they would have a chance to meet her. She performed her first anal sex scene on the website Frat House Fuck Fest. She also performs ass sex in Elegant Angel's Big Wet Asses 11 and Jules Jordan Video's Buttworx and recently did anal in the "Big Wet Butts" website. She is currently seeing actor Adam Currie.

Here’s a link to some of her stuff… but be warned… it aint pretty rough…

One of the disadvantages of an upbringing solely dominated by a wonderful mum, Nan and neurotic auntie is the bullshit they feed you about life as you grow up. I remember yarns about finding a good decent girl, settling down and having a wonderful life of love, loyalty and happiness.

The first thing as guys your taught is to find yourself a good girl with the morals of a nun, someone to take care of you and look after you through the digs and jabs of a life dominated by testosterone and the loyal psychotic appendage that sits in your boxers.

Now after dating, drunken one night stands, stoned fuck buddies and countless relationships with women that have been as satisfying as eating a walnut after three weeks of starvation do I know the truth. I have vowed to tell my boys (if I have boys) the unpleasant truth from the start, secretly if I must beyond the ears of their lucky mother if I have to… I want my children to be happy and to milk life of every experience they can before they inevitably snuff it off the mortal coil of a boring life.

The objectionable truth is that nice girls are as boring as daytime television and the only way they are gonna get any kind of sexual fulfillment is if they find a chick that’s had more stabs than a heroin addict. Nice girls are a total fucking nightmare, waiting weeks for sex at a time is no fun in the slightest and considering its something both partners are supposed to enjoy it ends up giving us guys the feeling that she would rather strap a firework to her face than get giggedy giggedy goo in the sack.

It’s not only the upbringing that tells you this bull either, religion is another demon of forcing you to live a long healthy life of woman less and soulless fun. The Extreme Muslim faith is another banal contender of stabbing the eyes of exuberance, I’m sure you’ve all heard the theory of sacrifice in the name of God gives you a substantial amount of virgins in heaven… I mean seriously… why would you do that… the fact that these fucking idiot girls managed to die virgins in the first place means that they are either four years old or that the fuckers are too tight to dish it out in the first place, so why the fucking hell would you want to spend the rest of eternity with them?

To be hoodwinked by a religion promising such a nightmare of non sex in the first place means that these extremists get what they fucking deserve anyway. Suicide bombing in itself is as bright as trying to fuck a light socket nevertheless, who says they wont end up going to heaven as just a brain in a jar while their cock rots hanging from a tree in Iraq? If heaven is full of virgins anyway then I’ll take the express elevator to hell at any rate, I’ll say with great pride to God

“look sorry mate, it sounds okay an all that… but playing harps and sitting with Take That fans aint really my thing… so give Satan a ring and tell him to put the kettle on for me!”

Now days when I’m dating I’m only interested in shit spewing bitches with a whole line of ex boyfriends and a ton of filthy references, sex is the only thing that one… I’m good at… and two… it’s the only thing I’m ready to do 24-7. So surly its in my best interests to have a girl that’s totally indecent, raucously good in bed and one that puts out like twice a week at least.

Has anyone here been out with a virgin? For those of you that aint had the pleasure I’ll fill you in on what your luckily missing. For a start they are emotionally high maintenance, you forever treading on eggshells and your forever failing to get anywhere near bare flesh, and the older they are the bloody worse they are.

Okay so you’ve spent a year of giving her your coat while in monsoons, opening the car door for the lazy shite and buying her everything shes ever wanted and she’s decided “she’s ready”… so what then… fucking run like hell. I once gave a girl a condom to put on me, it’s always a hundred times better if she does it and it’s much less of a passion killer. She opens it and unrolls the bloody thing before my John Thomas is even out in the fresh air, I watched in pure amazement as she tried stuffing my pecker in it like she was putting her arm through her jumper sleeve.

The deed itself was a pure fucking disaster from the word go, imagine trying to fuck a plug hole and that’s pretty much it spot on. I gave up on her that day, virgins over the age of 20 have totally no desire to learn… if you try to give them advice they act like you’ve just slapped their ass with a damp towel.

Trust me guys… if you wanna get on in life and be happy… find yourself a fire breathing, venom spitting whore, you’ll be a lot happier.

One thing that's always puzzled me and that's sexual indifference, what I mean is that how such an important act that's obviously done by both men and women together can mean two totally different things. Sex has been one of those things that come between men and women every hour, every day of every month of every year... it's the one thing that stops us getting on with each other properly and it's the only thing that can chemically attract each other in the first place.

So what the hell is sex? Okay... first let’s have a look at the rather bland dictionary nerdy description...

Sex noun the activity of sexual intercourse or Making Love, or the activity of people kissing and touching each other's bodies to experience pleasurable feelings also called "Making Love"

Or...

Intercourse noun... the sexual activity in which the male's penis enters the female's vagina, or the sexual activity in which a male's penis enters another male's or a female's anus

Both descriptions are pretty mediocre and both taken from the Cambridge Dictionary, so obviously sex aint really a subject that the University nerds are well educated with. Try looking up Star Trek, World of Warcraft and Particle Physics and they don't stop gibbering.

The thing I like the most is that it's so flippantly described as an "activity"... like chess, bird watching or stamp collecting. If anything it's a sport, two sweaty combatants fighting against each other to get the better of the opponent, the prize being the mother of orgasms and to smugly turn the opponent into a sore knackered vegetable... yep... that definitely sounds like a sport to me!

Obviously the primary reason for sex is to breed our replacements, but us humans are far from seeing it that way, me especially. Humans and bloody Dolphins of all things are the only creatures on this appallingly dismal and fucked up planet that have sex for fun and recreation, so if you die and come back as anything other than those, the next time you get a beef injection your pretty much guaranteed to get knocked up in the same sitting.

Making Love

The other term in the first description that has me pretty confused is the noun "Making Love!" What the hell does make love mean? Okay, so I know the idea behind it but as far as doing it is bloody impossible and women both hate me and love me for it. I have been in six proper relationships and three of them I have been "in Love" and do you know how many times I have "made love"?

NEVER! Not once! It is not physically possible for me to "make love" in the Mills and Boon narrative of the word because one, my body has an autopilot and two... Mills and bloody Boon sex is appallingly boring!

Despite my best intentions and how we start it’s next to impossible for me and I can't do it, it must be like a disability or something, maybe something missing in my head perhaps. We start off with a romantic meal in a fancy restaurant and maybe a walk holding hands through a sickening sunset, whispering nothings into our romantically charged ears and hearts... and then we kiss...

... From that kiss Mr Winkie awakes and my mind and actions are now his... any attempt while he's awake to "make love" and my inner porn star demon takes over and all fucking hell breaks loose. There's cock gagging blowjobs, clit sucking waterfalls, kidney cracking penetrations, butt stretching anal, ear splitting screams and face soaking facials... there's sore ass slapped butt cheeks, sore throats, swollen bits, bite marks, ruined make up, messed up hair styles, broken beds and split condoms everywhere.

And frighteningly of all, that’s when I love someone, one night stands despite their rarity are normally like the Incredible Hulk having a seizure. Now I aint small, I'm 6'3" and I weigh in at 18 sometimes 19 stones, so any girl that gets into the bed with me needs either really good breaks or needs to be a total hardcore crack whore bitch that likes that sort thing.

There's a Reason maybe...

Now as far as boyfriends go I'm pretty soft, laid back and pretty much as harmless as a cotton wool fight. I've never hit a woman in my life and I definitely don't argue if I can help it. The girl has enough freedom to be as happy as Larry so she can do what she likes when she likes and with whomever she likes. So it makes me wonder if sex is an extension or an outlet of perhaps dominance or maybe even punishment.

Because the girl is pretty much living an easy life due to my emotional laziness, the hardcore side of me lays dormant because it's merely an extension of my sexual desire... my cock being the catalyst or key to my negative energies.

I guess I may never know until I see a proper psychologist or some other lazy half assed quack that failed medical school, which I must add may never happen. I don't get any complaints what so ever and until then I'll just continue the way I'm doing it, but sometimes I do wonder why I am the way I am... and I'm pretty sure there's a few people out there that wonder too...

Scott
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