One thing that's always puzzled me and that's sexual indifference, what I mean is that how such an important act that's obviously done by both men and women together can mean two totally different things. Sex has been one of those things that come between men and women every hour, every day of every month of every year... it's the one thing that stops us getting on with each other properly and it's the only thing that can chemically attract each other in the first place.

So what the hell is sex? Okay... first let’s have a look at the rather bland dictionary nerdy description...

Sex noun the activity of sexual intercourse or Making Love, or the activity of people kissing and touching each other's bodies to experience pleasurable feelings also called "Making Love"


Intercourse noun... the sexual activity in which the male's penis enters the female's vagina, or the sexual activity in which a male's penis enters another male's or a female's anus

Both descriptions are pretty mediocre and both taken from the Cambridge Dictionary, so obviously sex aint really a subject that the University nerds are well educated with. Try looking up Star Trek, World of Warcraft and Particle Physics and they don't stop gibbering.

The thing I like the most is that it's so flippantly described as an "activity"... like chess, bird watching or stamp collecting. If anything it's a sport, two sweaty combatants fighting against each other to get the better of the opponent, the prize being the mother of orgasms and to smugly turn the opponent into a sore knackered vegetable... yep... that definitely sounds like a sport to me!

Obviously the primary reason for sex is to breed our replacements, but us humans are far from seeing it that way, me especially. Humans and bloody Dolphins of all things are the only creatures on this appallingly dismal and fucked up planet that have sex for fun and recreation, so if you die and come back as anything other than those, the next time you get a beef injection your pretty much guaranteed to get knocked up in the same sitting.

Making Love

The other term in the first description that has me pretty confused is the noun "Making Love!" What the hell does make love mean? Okay, so I know the idea behind it but as far as doing it is bloody impossible and women both hate me and love me for it. I have been in six proper relationships and three of them I have been "in Love" and do you know how many times I have "made love"?

NEVER! Not once! It is not physically possible for me to "make love" in the Mills and Boon narrative of the word because one, my body has an autopilot and two... Mills and bloody Boon sex is appallingly boring!

Despite my best intentions and how we start it’s next to impossible for me and I can't do it, it must be like a disability or something, maybe something missing in my head perhaps. We start off with a romantic meal in a fancy restaurant and maybe a walk holding hands through a sickening sunset, whispering nothings into our romantically charged ears and hearts... and then we kiss...

... From that kiss Mr Winkie awakes and my mind and actions are now his... any attempt while he's awake to "make love" and my inner porn star demon takes over and all fucking hell breaks loose. There's cock gagging blowjobs, clit sucking waterfalls, kidney cracking penetrations, butt stretching anal, ear splitting screams and face soaking facials... there's sore ass slapped butt cheeks, sore throats, swollen bits, bite marks, ruined make up, messed up hair styles, broken beds and split condoms everywhere.

And frighteningly of all, that’s when I love someone, one night stands despite their rarity are normally like the Incredible Hulk having a seizure. Now I aint small, I'm 6'3" and I weigh in at 18 sometimes 19 stones, so any girl that gets into the bed with me needs either really good breaks or needs to be a total hardcore crack whore bitch that likes that sort thing.

There's a Reason maybe...

Now as far as boyfriends go I'm pretty soft, laid back and pretty much as harmless as a cotton wool fight. I've never hit a woman in my life and I definitely don't argue if I can help it. The girl has enough freedom to be as happy as Larry so she can do what she likes when she likes and with whomever she likes. So it makes me wonder if sex is an extension or an outlet of perhaps dominance or maybe even punishment.

Because the girl is pretty much living an easy life due to my emotional laziness, the hardcore side of me lays dormant because it's merely an extension of my sexual desire... my cock being the catalyst or key to my negative energies.

I guess I may never know until I see a proper psychologist or some other lazy half assed quack that failed medical school, which I must add may never happen. I don't get any complaints what so ever and until then I'll just continue the way I'm doing it, but sometimes I do wonder why I am the way I am... and I'm pretty sure there's a few people out there that wonder too...

Technorati Profile