Are you infected with the disease called love? Can you find it impossible dealing with being dumped, cheated on or worse? Trust me… love and death are exactly the same…

When I studied for my psychology degree I was given a whole list of bullshit subjects and the idea was to pick one and write a paper on it, and I chose love and death… it weren’t because I was a soppy git or anything it was because I felt the sting of both love and death just a year earlier and thought it would give me a head start. After six months of studying the old fashioned way (internet back then was just an idea on a paper) by using human guinea pigs and reading text books that you could beat a whale to death with, I came to a rather startling vision.

My Lecturer Dr Writhams hated me with a passion, yet at the same time he envied my ability to see the lighter and comical side of psychology which he later revealed when I passed. Okay so as far as me being a proper psychologist is as about as likely as me blasting my across the British Channel powered only by my farts, but it has given me unique ability into pissing people off which is a ton for fun.

What pisses me off though are phrases like “I love you with all my heart!”… bullshit! Love is a state of mind and the heart is just an organic sump pump. I found that love was more of a state of depression if anything, the whole idea of a sound mind is self survival and independence. Being in love is not a gift and it’s as healthy as a dog shite sandwich because you’re your sole happiness and existence relies 50/50 on another person. When you get dumped your ruthlessly starved of half your emotions and more importantly your happiness.

So what did I find out about death? Well the first thing is that it bears an emotional and frightening similarity to love, or at least the emotions after the death of a loved one. Having been on the rough end of both death and very recently love, it seems that both are almost exactly the same.

Believe it or not I found the death of a loved one easier to deal with for many reasons, I know it sounds incredibly morbid but it’s true. You see with death the whole situation lasts up until the funeral, once the funeral is over the mind heals slowly, with every day getting better than the day before. When your dumped by a loved one your up to your neck in anger, disbelief, heart break, betrayal and worst of all… hope!

Hope is the one thing that carries a broken heart painfully over shattered glass month after month, you watch your phone hoping for a text of regret, a phone call from your ex partner begging for you back. You lay awake praying to a faceless god that your ex will see sense and come running, you can’t eat, sleep, have fun or even be miserable properly and that’s all because of hope. I know because I’ve been through it twice in my life and no matter how many times it happens it still don’t get any better.

When someone dies there is no hope… when your dead your fucking dead… worm food… ash… that’s it. The mind doesn’t have that shred of hope torturing you day after day, month after month. Also death is a release for those who are terminally ill, I can’t think of anything worse than spending this life being wheeled down the street being the butt end of childish jokes, drinking through a straw and being force fed mushy peas… a hate mushy peas with a passion… it looks like frog shit!

I guess when it comes down to it I would rather suffer the cold hand of death than a broken heart and the last time I did even take an overdose… but then I thought about it… why let the bitch win? Why selfishly take myself away from my loved ones just because some cunt don’t appreciate my company? All the text books and lectures taught me fuck all compared to experience, psychology for me was where I wanted to be in life until I suffered first hand both love and death in the same year. That’s when I realized that no dick head can tell you how to feel, it’s just head of bad wiring that you gotta spend months untangling on your own.

Now I use both psychology and my experience in life to humor myself and others… if they take offense then there’s 75 billion other websites to look at… always remember… depression is anger without the enthusiasm… and love is nothing more than denying yourself emotional independence. Why do it?