Now I’m probably reading a bit too much into porn but to me the whole porn world is a tad false, I’m not saying it’s crap far from it… but it aint totally realistic by any means. All they have to do is switch the camera on and fuck… but they don’t, the over act and treat us like total dicks by having an intro… who seriously watches the first ten minutes of porn?

The women in porn too are sadly like cartoon characters of real women, they stroll on pretending to be gagging with their white shiny teeth and rubber tits and actually pretend it’s sex they want… in reality women see it as a fucking chore. Especially relationship sex because they are just totally sick of the sight of you, your mere presence is enough to send a woman into a livid fit despite your loyalty to her.

It don’t matter how much you wash, spray, scrub or spend… sex is always the last fucking thing on her mind it drives me absolutely nuts. In porn also is the whole set up of it, woman walks on… see’s man… cock is in gob! How the fuck is that supposed to get us going, it’s just a damn reminder of the things that real women won’t do.

Women these days have a very selfish attitude towards pretty much everything, I aint saying they are totally selfish but in their attitude they are thoroughly self absorbed and money hungry. Conversation wise is another thing that’s bizarrely scrambled within a womans head, have you noticed that it don’t matter what you’re both talking about, the moment you open your mouth she cracks over your words changing the subject. If the woman is bored then surly she should at least try and make the effort to sound interested, us men are faking interest all the time just in case the woman goes off us claiming to need attention, interest, love… blah blah fucking blah. So what about our sodding needs?

It would be nice every now and then for a woman to show an interest in us, men don’t normally fuck about… if they don’t get interest they go somewhere else and labeled cheating scoundrels and such. Women when they cheat are “misunderstood” “neglected” and loads of other bloody contradictions to their male counterparts.

Why is it if you fart in front of a woman all you get is a lecture about letting yourself go, having no respect as well as other verbal female bullshit. If a woman farts in front of you they say stuff like “it took me a long time to feel comfortable to do that in front you!” and like total idiots we are proud and happy! I mean seriously, they control our minds and they manipulate them to their will… if your girlfriend took her knickers off, squatted on your face and ripped out a guff that burnt all your nose hairs and singed your eye brows while you slept… she would have you feeling honored and pleased that she gave you Hitler's tash in shit on your upper lip. Leave a fucking dirty knife on the table and they won’t shut up and start calling their lawyers for immediate divorce proceedings.

Toilet seats? What the fuck is all the fuss about? When you buy a toilet or bog seat, where does it say a man MUST put the seat down? Putting the seat up or down is not even a chore, it takes a fraction of a second and I’ve eaten a cookie in longer time than it takes put the toilet seat down. Women go totally bollocks over it because it’s too much effort, well sorry girls… in my house I leave the toilet seat exactly in the same position I left it, you don’t see me throwing a strop coz you’ve left it down… this is what I do girls, I walk into the bathroom… oh my god shock horror! The toilet seat is down… I lift it up… emergency over… IT IS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE!

This next gripe is aimed at every single girl I have EVER been out with because every one of them is guilty of this horrid habit. Why is it that if a woman has bath or a shower at night it means they don’t need to wash the next morning? It truly baffles me because when your asleep your safely ensconced under layers upon fucking layers of duvets and sweating like Gary Glitter at Disney Land, Languishing in a pit of micro organisms and dead skin. “Oh… no it’s alright… I bathed last night!” they say… here’s a bit of news for ya girls… LAST NIGHT IS YESTERDAY! Fuck man, I wear the same T-shirt the next day and a woman is down me like a ton of bricks… she sleeps in a cocoon of flesh flakes and sweat patches and that’s fine… coz she had a wash last night!