Daytime TV at the best of times is total shit, but some programs are in a league of their own when it comes to the pants award. Richard and Judy got a gong on my old blog because not only are they as boring as trying to read the daily Telegraph in the dark, but they are seriously ugly to boot. They both remind me of two decaying haystacks in a field in the middle of winter. Their constant bickering and trying to talk over each other in true husband and wife fashion grates my back teeth to the point of severe toothache, which I must add is pretty much more appealing.

Deal or no Deal is another travesty of banal entertainment, where Noel ring piece Edmunds plays a double role of the twat in the jumper I gave to charity and the elusive and fake Bwanker. Why? I had to watch it three times before I could work out the whole concept of the game, leaving me feeling pretty fucking stupid too. Is there anything in the rules of the game that says you can't open your own box at the start? I would, at the end of the day if you only got a quid in your box that's still a profit margin of 100%.

Bargain Hunt?! Why is that interesting? There are things in life that nobody should ever admit to, one is that you find David tango Dickinson funny and entertaining and the other is that you shop at boot sales. So Bargain Hunt is pretty much dead on the water in my books, and it being on the water is too good for it when it should be six foot under. It's not a complete loss however, what I would like to see is the interview with the pissed off person that sold them the shit in the first place. Imagine selling someone a piece of tat from your car boot for 50 pence then seeing it fetch 50 quid on TV... fucking priceless!

Loose Women! AAAAAARGH! I remember being slapped by a girl at school because I called her loose, I wern't lying either, it was like fucking a bin liner but these days a being called a loose woman is some sort of compliment. Perhaps one day the term Fat Slag will have girls gushing! One of my main gripes at this poor attempt to entertain single mothers and divorces is the absolute sexism and desperation of the league of witches that present it. It was okay when Kerry Katona was presenting it because I could just stare at her tits, but now the presenters have the combined age of a supermarket trolley collector. I understand that it is aimed at women and I totally agree I shouldn't be watching it in the first place, but sometimes, just sometimes the TV remote in just out of reach and I have no choice but to suffer.

Home and Away and Neighbors... Despite being two separate programs I am going to slate them both at the same time because one, they are Australian, and two because they shamelessly copy each other. I'm not racist in the slightest and to prove it I used to have a black Newfoundland dog and I used to know a bloke from Wales so racist I ain't, but fucking Australians really boil my spuds. They hate us English people and they don't even try and hide it, which is bizarre because the reason they are over there in the first place is because we caught their great great great grandads stealing knickers off some poor English woman's clothesline.

Back to the shows in question... if any of you watch these dire if foolhardy strains on the intelligence you will notice that their plots almost run parallel to each other, and I say plots very loosely... If they were made in this country they would be called Crossroads or Elderado. I have never watched these intentionally and if one thing can lift me from my armchair to change the channel the old fashioned way its these dire travesties of Australian TV!

I could gripe about TV all bloody day but I won't, theres plenty of shite on during the day that I can post about another time. Trisha broom neck Goddard being one of my larger pet hates and she rightly deserves a post of her own. I have however sat down and thought about why day time TV is so crap in the first place, and I have a theory... the government deliberately do it make people get jobs, because lets face it... getting up a chimney and doing a twelve hour shift scraping the brown carpet left on the bottom of a public toilet is a hundred times more prefable to the spirit crushing and mind numbing TV any day.