Back in the days of no internet guys used to have an unwritten bonding ritual that was porn swapping. The idea was that we used to raid our parents bedroom for any suspiciously blank labelled video cassettes in the hope that they were secretly hording a stash of porn, but unluckily for us our Dad was as boring and as righteous as a strip of garden decking.

He bizarrely tried to convince us that porn created rapists and sexual deviants; yet unbeknown to him at the time of his rather grand speech, we already had our own collection that we were swapping with other kids and their parents.

By today’s standards the smut was pathetically pitiable, with cheesy story lines and plots as shallow as a walnuts’ swimming pool. But that was the most appealing thing about it because it meant every now and then someone would always come along with a better one, and once copied we could use it as a bargaining chip to get a whole heap of more smut from everyone else.

One of the things our group could always be proud of was the fact that we used to travel to London specifically to buy our smut; our titles were always up to date with the latest stars and hardest scenes. This always gave us the edge because when a newbie joined our group with their cum stained videos we knew ours were always better. This was ideal for us because we used to run copies off and sell them for fifty quid a throw making us more cash than a drug dealer.

Then the internet came and ruined our rather fruitful business of our smut dealership, and we were a mixture of pleased and pissed at the same time. We were pissed that we lost out on so much money, yet pleased that smut was to go through such a dramatically awesome change for the better. Suddenly all the plots and cheesy soundtracks vanished and all the stars suddenly went from making love to hardcore slap happy bitches.

Now the grot seems to be about MILF’s getting rooted by gargantuan pensioners legs, teen whores that can shove a dick the size of a baby’s fore arm where the sun don’t shine and pretty faces getting a chin omelette from a group of desperate faceless men. The word hardcore doesn’t even fit smut these days, a chick with two kidney crackers in her butt is part of standard run of the mill filth… so what does the future hold for smut? How can it get any better? I don’t know for sure but I for can’t wait to see it.

The thing is with smut these days thats also good is that the production companies that knock it out normally cater for a wide selection of erm ... tastes I do believe the word is. Back when we was knocking the grot out you got a VHS and it was pot luck what you got on it, it weren't deliberate but thats how it was, a kind of blind date with your crap VHS. Most of the companies these days though do tend to hire the usual typical bimbo kinda chick which is okay if they are new to biz and you like that sort of thing, but hows about some fat chicks? Not overly fat but normal like... or is it just me?

Some say the internet was created for smut… but I think very differently… I say the smut was created for us… or more precisely… ME!